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Hilariously sad stories about modern dating
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Are you perfect together?

Want it know if you and you're bf are meant to be? Check out this interesting article from Women's Health.

Forget a mutual love of How I Met Your Mother or your eerily similar workout playlists; new research suggests that there's a better way to determine if you're soul mates, and it has to do with the way you speak.People who use the same function words—like pronouns, prepositions, conjunctions, and quantifiers—are more likely to couple up and stay together, according to a new study published in the journal Psychological Science.

Researchers at Texas Tech University had a hunch that speech was related to romance (dirty talk aside), so they conducted two studies on language style matching (LSM). LSM measures how much two people in a conversation subtly match each other's speaking or writing style, focusing on words like "I," "she," "those," "in," "about," "tons," "never," "very," "quite," "while," "because," and "can," among others. And even though we hardly ever realize we're saying words like these, researchers say they reveal a lot about our personalities. 

For the first study, the researchers analyzed speed dates between 40 men and 40 women. Surprisingly, the people who used similar function words were more likely to report being into each other at the end of the date. In the second study, researchers analyzed instant message conversations between 86 couples, looking again at language patterns. They asked about relationship satisfaction on the first day, then checked in three months later to see if the couple had lasted. And get this: Couples who used more similar function words were about twice as likely to be together three months later.

Shockingly, LSM was a better predictor of romantic interest and relationship stability than self-reports. Even if someone thought they meshed with a date or were convinced they'd stick with their partner forever, the LSM knew better. 

Obviously, this doesn't mean that you should start changing up your lingo during your next OkCupid date—you would probably sound ridiculous. (What are you going to do, keep saying "quite" for the rest of your life when you never used to?) But the researchers suggest we might already be subconsciously changing our speaking patterns to match someone else's when we're really engaged in the conversation, which could explain why it's so darn good at predicting a bond. Sure, it's a weird way to see if you might be a match—but it's definitely something to look out for on your next date.

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Relationship Equation

A friend sent me this article from Salon. According to my calculations, my relationship with D will last 28.51 years. Not too shabby! Obviously I had to guess what his ratings would be. Once again, gotta hide the crazy.

Mathematics may be able to tell you if your relationship will last
(Credit: Serg Zastavkin via Shutterstock)

Back in the 1990s, fictional boy band 2GE+HER (pronounced Together) introduced a simple equation for romance in their song aptly named “U + Me = Us (Calculus).”

The above boy band brand of “calculus” might get some relationship results, but it hardly accounts for the many variables of love. Timing, attraction, beliefs, personality, family, sexual chemistry, mental health — these factors, and more, can make or break a relationship.

One of the most amazing and infuriating parts of falling in love is how arbitrary it feels. However, if people would like to add some mathematical logic to the mix, the folks at MSN commissioned a “formula to help you predict how long your current relationship will last.” With this equation people can get their special number: the one. The equation is below:

“For heterosexual couples the formula is:

L = 8 + .5Y – .2P + .9Hm + .3Mf + J – .3G – .5(Sm – Sf)2  + I + 1.5C

L: the predicted length in years of the relationship
Y: the number of years the two people knew each other before the relationship became serious
P: the number of previous partners of both people added together
Hm: the importance the male partner attaches to honesty in the relationship
Mf : the importance the female attaches to money in the relationship
J: the importance both attach to humour (added together)
G: the importance both attach to good looks (added together)
Sm and Sf: the importance male and female attach to sex
I: the importance attached to having good in-laws
C: the importance attached to children in the relationship

Still with us? In case you’re scratching your head, all ‘importance’ measures can be scaled from 1 to 5 where 1 is not important at all and 5 is very important.

Note: our research findings for same-sex couples differed slightly from heterosexual couples, so we had to adjust the formula slightly:

L = 8 + .5Y – .2P + 2J – .3G – .5(S1 – S2)2 – I + 1.5C
(where S1 and S2 are the two partner’s ratings for the importance of sex)”

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It's offish

D and I have been official since March 1. Well maybe February 28. It happened late that night and we didn't exactly clarify. He's not really into the labels and I guess nothing has changed, so I kind of feel silly insisting on it in the first place. Still, it's nice to clarify and be able to introduce him to someone without having that awkward moment of figuring out what to say. He's my boyfriend, not my friend or this guy I'm dating, my boyfriend. Two of his friends just moved to Australia so we went out with his friends as a joint goodbye and birthday party. (D's bday is on the 28th). I was tired so I left around midnight. D gave me his key so I could crash there. He came back around 1:30, crawled in to bed with me and said something to the effect of "Thanks for coming. You're my girlfriend right? I want you to be my girlfriend." Yes, I want that too. 

Oddly enough, I'm not sure if he was going to invite me to the party that night in the first place. The week before, I asked him what we were doing for his bday. He mentioned the party and then stopped talking. Ummm were you going to invite me? "I know you don't like to party so I thought you wouldn't want to come." Well it's your birthday so I want to celebrate with you. You not inviting me makes me feel like you don't want to introduce me to your friends. If that's how you feel, maybe I'm wasting my time here. He ended up inviting me to the Facebook event, not even asking me. I almost didn't go because I was annoyed, but let's be honest here, I gotta hide the crazy, right? But there ya have it. We're in a relationship now.

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Time to Get Married!

Ummm I'm not really sure how I feel about this. Here's an app from TIME that finds the median age that you're friends have gotten married according to Facebook. Apparently, I should get married in five months. Oops. What about all my friends on Facebook that aren't married yet? Check it out here.

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10 Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again

This word of advice courtesy of Though Catalog...

1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.

I think we’ve all had it with the incredibly unromantic “here” text, and meeting up always seems to be more casual and platonic than the alternative. Of course, meeting someone from online or any circumstance like that would probably be the exception to this rule, but generally: the 30 seconds it takes to get out of a car or cab and knock on the door makes a huge difference.

2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.

“Nicely” means different things for different people, so I think it’s just a matter of putting effort into how you put yourself together to go out with someone. It’s not about wearing suits and petticoats again, but just realizing that, whether or not we like to accept it, appearance does count for something, and we should do our best to make sure that our appearance says something about us, in whatever way we’d like it to.

3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.

Now, many lucky ladies (and some men) I know get this regularly, and in fact, I have myself as well, but only ever with people I’d been dating for a while. I think there’s something to be said for bringing flowers to the door on your first date. It’s become uncool because it’s forward and it’s a gesture that confirms their interest, but we should definitely get past that idea and worry more about how we’re going to let someone know we really do care and appreciate that they want to spend time with us.

4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor.

Whatever happened to this? Dancing for the sake of dancing, like fun, not essentially sex on a dance floor dancing. What’s a better way to literally shake off nerves than seeing them bust a really dorky move on a dance floor? And the art of slow dancing has generally been lost, though I’ve been one to do it in my living room with my slightly coerced significant other, and I’ll tell you he’s said on numerous occasions it ended up being one of the most romantic nights we had together.

5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.”

Or, as is very popular these days, “talking.” “Oh, we’re just… talking.” As in, seeing one another and speaking frequently as to get to know each other? So… dating? We’ve found these really convenient ways to skirt around the issue of having to put our hearts on the line, but honestly, it just ends up being messy and confusing for all parties involved. There’s no need to go back to the idea of courting or anything, unless you want to, but simply being direct about whether or not you’d like to go on a date with someone is a truly lost art, one that really shouldn’t be.

6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.”

Oh, the awkward, “so… are we… you know… what are we?” talk. Classic. We should go back to asking one another if the other person would like to “go steady” or something. There’s something about asking them if they’d like to rather than assuming that you are or aren’t anything that’s just very cute, in my opinion.

7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.

Writing poems may not be for you, I know mine would look something like “Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate poetry but I love you.” I literally just made that up thank you please quote me when you inevitably post that gem on Tumblr. But seriously, like a handwritten letter in the mail or just surprising them with something you made even if it looks like the macaroni necklace you made when you were 5 is cute just because you tried and were thinking of them.

8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.

I’m not sure there is anything worse than the person who picks up their phone and starts staring at it in the middle of dinner, or at any point while you’re together and having a conversation. I’m not anti-technology here (hello, I work for the Internet) but I am saying that there comes a time to turn it off and disconnect and remember what actually matters. People.

9. The general concept of asking permission for things.

It used to be principle for people to say: oh, when can I see you? Or, when could I call you? Rather than just assuming they can at any point. But I think that old concept could be applied to our modern world by just assuming that, unless told otherwise, you should ask permission to you know, touch them anywhere, take them out, call them at a certain time, etc. Once you’re in a relationship these things usually don’t require asking anymore, but some do, especially when it comes to sexuality. I once knew a person who said that they asked permission before so much as touching a girl’s thigh, and that always stuck with me.

10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.

Now, I’m certainly not saying it should go back to being a taboo that’s unspoken of, but we certainly shouldn’t expect it from someone on the third date, on the first date, because they’re being flirty, because you know they’re into you, or even because they agreed to go out with you. A date does not have to be a precursor to sex, and you shouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t because you should never assume that it will be. It depends on the person you’re with and what they want to do. 

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At least I don't have to go camping anymore...

The camping trip is off. D blew me off AGAIN on Sunday. We were supposed to have dinner, but I didn't hear from him until the next morning that he fell asleep at 7. That's weird because I called and texted him at 4. Honestly, I'm fed up. He's either going to be late or just flake on me. After I mentioned I was upset about not having dinner he said "sorry chah-lee." I don't even get a sincere apology? So I cancelled the van rental and told him a trip like that is better for two people in a more serious relationship. He hasn't even tried to make plans to see me again but asked if I still wanted to "chill on 2/14." Umm you can take me out for Valentine's Day if that's what you mean. Maybe you should decide where you want this relationship to go before I waste any more of my time.

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Into The Wild

Welp, D and I are going away for Valentine's Weekend! I would think that it's kind of a big deal except that we're going camping (his thing, not mine). Actually, it's so not my thing that I rented us a camper van for his Valentine's/Birthday present. His birthday is February 28 so I felt like I could lump them together. It's kind of more of a present for me though. It's also kind of a big present seeing as though we haven't been dating that long and still haven't had "the talk" yet. Stupid me didn't realize that I'd also have to pay $75 of taxes on top of the rental fee itself. He better be worth it. He's taking Friday off work and gets Monday off for President's Day, so it's just going to be the two of us for four days straight. Throw in the fact that we'll be roughing it in the wild and this could definitely lead to disaster. Don't they say that traveling together is a true test of your relationship. I get grumpy when I don't shower...

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Double Team

Last Saturday when D blew me off (that's what we'll call my exclusive not-boyfriend. I feel weird using his real name since we're actually dating) I went out because I didn't want to be lame and just stay home. I ended up running into this guy I know from improv class who I'll call J (I feel weird using his real name since he's kind of my friend). He asked if I wanted to go grab drinks. Sure, why not. But then it was just the two of us, and I realized that it was the first time we'd ever hung out not in a group. I also remembered that he invited me over to his apartment the night before for a party. I made sure to pay for my drinks and he didn't try anything but then the next day he invited me to go see an improv show. I wasn't really sure if he meant it to be a date but I suggested we get a group together. Of course the girl I invited couldn't make it. He said he'd invite two guys from our class, which now I'm not so sure if he actually did. He was "fine with it just being the two of us," but I'm the type that would rather avoid this kind of situation all together, so I asked for a raincheck. Now, I don't know what to do because I'll feel like a jerk if he really just wants to be friends. It would be a lot easier if I could just casually talk about my boyfriend, but I guess I don't technically have one. Ugh.

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Exclusivity

So here's a little about my exclusive boy from Tinder. We talked for a long while before actually meeting up. That's always kind of annoying because you can talk and talk and talk to someone but know within 5 seconds of meeting them whether or not you want it to go anywhere. I was actually on the fence after our first date, but decided I should be putting myself out there and see him again.

Things have been going well. We have a lot of fun together and I feel so comfortable around him. Seriously, we talk about the weirdest things and it never gets awkward. He also likes to cuddle with I love, plus, he smells so yummy. He brought up dating exclusively after we started sleeping together, which would be my preference anyway. Of course, things haven't been all smooth sailing. One night, he was supposed to come over around 9:30 but was running over an hour late because he had to help a friend move his couch. I told him to forget about it because that would be too late for him to come over anyway. He also cancelled on me after we slept together for the first time because he "can't control himself around me." Did I mention that he wants to take things slowly? It's kind of nice, but kind of annoying at the same time. We were also supposed to hang out yesterday but he was too hungover and wanted a rain check. I know how much hangovers suck, but I'm not to keen on being blown off. I'm still trying to decide if these are separate instances or if this is going to be a pattern. I guess only time will tell. Maybe I'll be "unavailable" for a while. That's what "Why Men Love Bitches" would tell me to do. I still don't know how I feel about that book. Anyway, wish me luck!

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Helmet Hair - Date 2

Guys, I touched it. I touched his hair and I couldn't detect any hair product. It's just really fluffy. I'm kind of relieved to know he doesn't style it like that on purpose and hey, he's got a pretty good head of hair! Anyway, I actually saw him before the holidays but never got around to posting. He invited me over to his place for dinner. All in all it was a nice relaxing evening and I like knowing he's good in the kitchen. Unfortunately, there aren't any overwhelming sparks. We get along well and conversation was easy, but a girl needs some chemistry, right? I know these things take time, and I was planning on seeing him again once I got back from the holidays, but it seems I've gotten myself into an exclusive situation with this guy I met on Tinder. I know this seems a little out of the blue, but we've actually been talking since October or early November. Our courtship has been surprisingly normal so I didn't really have anything to write about. More details to come...

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